I title this entry Secret Fan because I can never remember the full title or author of this book. I spent two weeks telling my friends about a great book I just read and when they asked the name of the book all I could get out was something something and the Secret Fan by someone someone. Needless to say, they were perplexed. With one friend, I even compared the book to another book about a Chinese family in the 19th century. You know, that book with the family that is poor than gets rich than gets poor again. You know, where it's all about the land. You, know. She didn’t know…the name either but she did know what book I was talking about. When my brain reconnected with my mouth, I called her and screamed through the phone, The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, yeah that’s it. Ok, my excuse for mental blocks? Senility? Stupidity? Mouth in Foot Disease? Too many books in my head? That one will do!
I think the reason why I only remember the secret fan part of the title is because the secret fan is a crucial part in the book; along with the secret women’s language, the secret sisterhood, and the secret rooms. I was eager to share my love of the book with the group. I was sure that we would be able to get to know one another better while discussing a book about friendship; maybe even become better friends… start our own sworn sisterhood. Dream on, baby. It took us half the discussion just getting past the feet binding scenes. It was difficult to imagine a mother so cruel and children so willing to endure the pain. We did discuss that our culture has its own set of self mutilation: body piercings, tattoos, plastic surgery ….circumcision. Hating men was the next topic. Many claimed that both parents didn’t love their daughters but especially the men. Out of desperation and I must admit a bit of frustration, I quoted “Anyone who tells you that the Yao people never care for their daughters is lying.” That didn’t help much. We finally moved on to friendships. I asked if anyone had an old same in their life or a sworn sisterhood. At first this got some deeper insight floating about the conversation but mostly they thought that Snow Flower and Lily were lesbians! I suggested that maybe their relationship was more sensual than sexual?
At this point, I need to talk about Book Group etiquette. I am an expert on this because I have broken all the rules many, many times. This night I broke cardinal rule #1. Go figure. I said, “I disagreed” and to the host of all people. What is my problem? Talk about odd ball.
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
For those of you who may not know these rules of etiquette, the following may help.
Rule #1
Never say, “I disagree.” Do you want friends or what? Always agree with everyone there that you want to talk to the next day. Especially the host, since she feeds you.
Rule # 2
Never say, “In my opinion or I know.” You don’t want anybody to think you are a know it all. Who said your opinion matters, anyway?
Rule# 3
Never quote from the book. That would divulge that you are a nerd. You don’t want anyone to know that you don’t have a life and can spend time memorizing lines and page numbers from an Oprah book club pick. Never a good idea.
Rule #4
Never get into a bible bashing session. In this case book bashing. It might go something like this, “On page 75, it clearly states that the family dog was a mutt.” “No, I am sure it was a pure bread lab, duh.”
Rule #5
Never share author biography information or interviews with the author or the authors’ website or anything about the author. That would take away from what we think the author meant.
Rule#6
If you are the host, always have creative, never heard of before, not even found in Good Housekeeping appetizers served on platters that only get dusted once a year and make sure you have booze. Your book group attendance drops by 90% without the booze, I know this for a fact.
Rule # 7
Never, ever choose books ahead. Only choose one book at a time and only at the end of the meeting. Otherwise, way too much brain drain.

